There you have it. Fucking Tuesdays.
Good updates on the climate organizing front, though: website actually pretty up-to-date! check out 350burlington.org for more info. :) This is an initiative of yours truly, 4 other volunteer organizers & and slew of fellow organizations hosts. Amazing what you can put together in a couple months & a lot of emails. We've got one senator & one congressional rep lined up to talk at the evening rally and have been selected as one of the top 10 primary "Global Work Party" actions for the US.
Oh, that reminds me -- another confession: I had half a crepe with scallion cream cheese in it for breakfast.
So, i'm f*cking up much more than I'd like, but I've also lost 15 lbs in 2 months, so I think the problem is two-fold:
a) I'm feeling a little too good with where I'm at. I know it's pretty anti-PCP to say this, but to be perfectly honest, I never intended to reach any kind of "peak" -- i'm feeling like where i'm at is maybe good enough for my lazy ass, frankly. Now that I recognize how hard it is to look like Patrick, I've decided I guess I don't care that much.. well, the truth is that I knew that all along, though -- I signed up for this to lose weight and develop some healthy eating & exercising habits. Haven't I done enough?! Now, don't worry folks -- I'm not quitting on ya, but I'm certainly making a clear statement of where my normal set of rationalizations have taken me today. Wow -- hope no newbies are reading.. lol
b) I'm really missing my favorite foods. I can deal with the exercises OK as long as I've started them before dinner. Exercising after dinner and/or after a long day (like my Tuesdays always seem to be) is practically unbearable. I think today is the 4th day I've skipped the workout on the PCP. Well, except for the jumps -- I think I've only missed two days of that.. I don't really get much out of pumping iron (or rubber with handles, for that matter) in my kitchen with the hubster. It's fun sometimes, but I'd much rather be playing volleyball or taking a dance class or learning capoiera. Why am I not doing THAT? I know why -- I never made the time. And I usually made too much time for eating junk.
UGH -- so, is it possible to separate these two pieces? Learning how to put Naty's health & mental wellness has been the theme of 2010, it seems. I'm fucking 28 years old! Shouldn't I have learned these habits earlier?!? No one in my family exercises regularly and we eat rice & beans like it's our job -- friggin portions that are completely out-of-control, but perfectly "normal" by Dominican standards.
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| La Bandera Dominicana, (a phrase which literally means the Dominican flag, but is commonly used to describe our most typical meal). As described in popular merengue lyrics: "arroz, habichuelas y carne -- tambien espaguetti y concón". "Rice, beans & meat -- also spaghetti & concón"(that hard almost-burnt rice that gets stuck to the bottom of the pan..) We love this shit! Oh, and PS: this is a typical serving for lunch for the average woman. Dudes would def have 2nds. |
OK -- so i'm fighting an uphill battle here on most accounts:
- family history of obesity & diabetes -- as well as no exercising and little veggie consumption
- bad habits all my life, which really reared it's ugly head during college, when I started to choose all the wrong foods at the dorms & got into my late-night pizza habits
- I tend to under-emphasize the importance of self-care -- I really throw myself at the organizing stuff and place its importance over valuable me-stuff like (like the PCP) & even family time (poor Ramiro often bears the brunt of that..)
So, there it is.. What goes through my head every day & why I'm sticking it through with the PCP at least until I figure it all out..
The first step for any meaningful change is seeing the problems! And you've laid them out beautifully here. Most people don't even understand where they're going off the rails and just chalk it up to fate. Good post!
ReplyDeleteRough times in Naty-land. You should be pleased with where you are right now, after losing fifteen freaking pounds--that's awesome.
ReplyDeleteAs great as it is to feel comfortable with yourself at this moment, though, tough love time: do you really think that crepes with scallion cream cheese for breakfast will keep you here? Will you keep the portions that small if they're a weekday breakfast rather than a once-a-month special treat? Would it help to tell yourself that treating the PCP like a crash diet will make it just a crash diet, and not a permanent change?
I feel you on everything else--family and cultural traditions, a family history of diabetes, especially linked to obesity, and so many years of bad habits. We can break through it all. I believe in us. Thirty more days to success, come on!
Yeah, this stuff ain't fun most of the time. It's work. I'm with Kim - you've made some great changes already, but if you can really prioritize this stuff over the next 30 days, you will experience breakthroughs that will stay with you into the future. It's not even so much about the diet/exercise - it's about the habits of the MIND. Your honesty with yourself tells me you're ready to throw it DOWN for 30 more days, Naty!!
ReplyDeleteI'm a newbie and I'm reading! I'm glad I did. It's easy to forget in these first few weeks how hard this is going to be in the coming weeks and months. Thanks for sharing and being so honest about it. All the best!
ReplyDeleteyou're doing awesome! very mindful post. that's one of the beautiful things bout the pcp. it makes you very aware.
ReplyDeleteanything worth doing is hard. sounds like you know that already w/school, your accomplishments, organizing, skills, hobbies. don't you deserve the superwoman treatment you give everyone/thing else? those last 30 days are a definite time for hitting peaks, be they physical or psychological.
the only thing to say bout the workouts is that they do make you stronger for things like vball and capoeira even if they're not very fun. i'm so jealous that you have inspiration and motivation so close to you. if my other half was in the room next door working out through infections, i wouldn't have to rely on annoying txt msgs that say WWSD. :P
btw, why does it seem universal that Tuesdays suck?
hey all -- thanks for the encouraging words! i CAN do this and appreciate you folks helping me through this little valley
ReplyDeletedude, i totally had the exact same thoughts and feelings at a similar point through the 90 day journey.
ReplyDeletepatrick summed it up: grim enthusiasm. just do it. let the brain think what it likes....then re-assess at end of day 90......
I'm a newbie, too and I love your honesty and clarity. Recognizing is part one, saying it 'out loud' is part two (and pretty damn hard), then part three is deciding you're not going to let it hold you down.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck on the final stretch! Thanks again for telling us all whats really going on. :)