Hi folks,
More than Ramiro does, I really count on indulgences. So, before he read the email describing our 3rd and final indulgence, I knew it was coming and had decided I was gonna be the bigger person and declare that I didn't deserved it (given my recent slacking from the 350 Global Work Party stuff). Surprisingly, Ramiro was also considering not taking an indulgence, that is until I read the email from Patrick and realized this was a full blowout meal and convinced him and myself against our prior thoughts. So I figured -- fuck it! Bring on the cheese & chocolate!! (which I've been missing big-time) and it didn't help that it was raining out, the fridge was empty of all protein sources and junk is never more than a phone call away soooo...
We ordered a pizza! There are no pictures of it b/c the snarfage was all-encompassing. I made the phone call around 8pm (after much debate weighing going to the store or ordering out while figuring out how to acquire a post-indulgence/PCP-compliant protein source for the following day's lunch) and we quickly noticed that the time of day would make working out after dinner ridiculous, so we got to banging out the workout only to be rudely interrupted by an early pizza delivery kid making it so that the pie sat there on the coffee table smelling of absolute deliciousness all through those fucking planks. URGH.
And here's the verdict: honestly, not that great.. Certainly not amazing enough to be worth HALF of my daily caloric intake. I mean, WTF?! Don't get me wrong, it was lovely and made by a locally-owned company that uses VT flour to make organic whole wheat crust with yummy sauce and a good balance of toppings to cheese. Frankly, it was a pretty good pizza, but somehow.. it didn't do it for me. It felt almost like an indulgence wasted because I had made it out to be so much more than it was. After the meal, I shared the thought with Ramiro and he thinks it's a matter of associating pizza with the greater satisfaction that comes with the pizza ordering phenomenon -- that quick burst of joy that comes from the ease of getting a warm, cheesy meal delivered right to your doorstep and then pushing the couches together for the ultimate in non-bedroom comfort and then cuddling up next to the hubster to watch a fun movie on the tube on a rainy weekend evening with little Tigger curled up at our feet. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
Dude, was he right!! I was COUNTING on that pizza to be all those things for me when, in fact, all it is is.. well, only a pizza. lol Hence, my issue with emotional eating and why Indulgence 3 was once again a lesson in my struggle to treat food like what it should be: nourishment!
OK -- that took a little longer to write than I was hoping, so on to item 2 of the title! Free clothes!! Here in crunchy/green VT there is a lovely thing called the Front Porch Forum -- it is truly made of awesome. It's a free neighborhood-based daily email ranging from offers for canning jars to reports of missing pets and debates on downtown-sidewalk-sitting. Oops -- sidetracking again. Anyways there was a free clothes event called "Attire for Hire" (which I learned about on the Front Porch Forum) hosted by an organization whose mission it is to help people get ready for the professional world. I scored a bunch of stuff! A couple pant suits, lots of button-down blouses & professional jackets, some skirts and even a leather jacket. I mean seriously -- two boxes of clothes for FREE!! OK -- i'm still reeling in joy, but that is also beside the point. lol. Here's what I want to talk to y'all about: I've been having some issues with my current PCP status (á la recent posts by Kim). I'm closer to where I want to be, but I'm still not really feeling great about my body image and the act of trying on a bunch of clothes in front of a mirror really brought that home for me. As it turns out, I'm only really a fan of the today-me that exists in the mirror for about a half-second at a time (while taking a top off over my head). At that moment, when my arms are reaching up and stretching my tummy fat across a temporarily longer torso, I feel a little sexy. So, here's the disappointing part: I started this program b/c I wanted to a) lose weight, b) deal with my stress eating (see above) and c) develop some life-long-fitness habits. And yet, what keeps me going is the way I look in the mirror?? I mean, I'm really not a vain person, but how superficial is that?!
Which brings me to the commitments aspect of this post. I decided yesterday that it would be a waste of my time and energy up to this point to NOT keep going with the program until I got to the point I want to be at. And that point isn't some pie-in-the-sky super model ideal (my goal person is Ugly Betty, for heaven's sake!). So then I stopped to think about what the ultimate me-look really is and realized that my actual goal person is me at 17, except with my current boob size & my adult woman fuller hips. And to take it a step further, it was me that summer in that two-piece halter top.. Wow -- do I sound sad to you? Cuz I'm depressing myself with my cliché-ness.
Anyways, there it is. It's not a great reason to want to continue the PCP, but as long as it keeps me on this good thing, I'm going with it and will have to deal with the psychology of all this at some later time. lol
Thanks again for listening!
heart hugs,
Nathaly
Showing posts with label temptation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label temptation. Show all posts
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Day 56, Nathaly: On 34s, brunch & 4-min sets
Hey all,
Not much new today. Have been able to get through that mid-week slump by leaning on Ramiro quite a bit -- I know I would secretly be skipping workouts & eating out a lot if it weren't for his encouragement and his steadfast determination and pure joy at this whole getting fit thing. It doesn't hurt that he's constantly complimenting me on the weight loss. :)
It's a Saturday so we slept in like usual and after the dog walk (which resulted in a quick visit to a friend's house) and the jumps, I was pretty much starving for breakfast. AND it was once again late enough in the day that I had to do a bit of PCP-finagling and get in both my bfast & lunch portions. That's a LOT of eating for one sitting, let me tell you! Especially when it's of some weird combination of whatever can be prepared most quickly. I hate those thrown-together meals. It turned out alright though: I wrapped some chicken and a scrambled egg in a wheat tortilla and had some zucchini & corn on the side. It would've been sooo much nicer to just walk to a local diner and order my usual homefries with cheese & onions and over-easy eggs, but I fought back the urge (again, mostly a factor of having Ramiro as a PCP partner and watchdog).
Regarding jumping rope in 4-minute sets: for the first time this morning, I felt comfortable setting the alarm clock on my phone instead of using the stopwatch function. I had to sorta sit there waiting for the minute to change, but it was such a better solution than constantly fighting that urge to glance over every 20 secs to see if I can stop yet. After the 1st set of jumps, I sat and figured I'd just break for a minute to start the next set of 4, but that was over in a heartbeat! I rushed to get into my next set, figuring I must've been very distracted my the mommy slurping up maple creemee excess from a toddlers cone (mmmm creemees!) and jumped my way through an almost perfect second set. The next experiment with breaking for only one minute confirmed that sneaking suspicion: time is a fickle beast. 4 minutes jumping can feel never-ending, but 1 minute sitting on the porch is over before you can even catch your breath. I decided to just break until I felt ready to go again between the 3rd & 4th set and learned that my preferred break time is a whopping 3 minutes long. Talk about inefficient!! Jumping for 4 & breaking for 3 -- no wonder work outs take forever! I'm gonna try to get better about breaking for only the allotted times from now on... I almost wish I was working out in the morning solely so that I could have more of an urge to get it all over with already -- when working out at night, the only thing before me is that measly egg white, apple & milk; a shower & the bed. One solution I've found is my Shakira Pandora station. Do what it takes, right?
Not much new today. Have been able to get through that mid-week slump by leaning on Ramiro quite a bit -- I know I would secretly be skipping workouts & eating out a lot if it weren't for his encouragement and his steadfast determination and pure joy at this whole getting fit thing. It doesn't hurt that he's constantly complimenting me on the weight loss. :)
WARNING: Potential TMI alert! (especially if you're a guy..)
Speaking of which -- I'm back down to a 34 bra size! I realized early this week that I was feeling pretty loose-y goose-y in my 36 & decided to go into the local ladies undergarments store for a fitting. The assistant seemed pretty sure I was in the 34 range, which gave me a quick jolt of gratitude for all this effort, but it dissipated a bit when I started doing some fittings and found that even though the tightest setting of the 36 has come to feel too roomy, the loosest I can go on a 34 is still a little snug. I've still got work to do, but man do I love this new bra!It's a Saturday so we slept in like usual and after the dog walk (which resulted in a quick visit to a friend's house) and the jumps, I was pretty much starving for breakfast. AND it was once again late enough in the day that I had to do a bit of PCP-finagling and get in both my bfast & lunch portions. That's a LOT of eating for one sitting, let me tell you! Especially when it's of some weird combination of whatever can be prepared most quickly. I hate those thrown-together meals. It turned out alright though: I wrapped some chicken and a scrambled egg in a wheat tortilla and had some zucchini & corn on the side. It would've been sooo much nicer to just walk to a local diner and order my usual homefries with cheese & onions and over-easy eggs, but I fought back the urge (again, mostly a factor of having Ramiro as a PCP partner and watchdog).
Regarding jumping rope in 4-minute sets: for the first time this morning, I felt comfortable setting the alarm clock on my phone instead of using the stopwatch function. I had to sorta sit there waiting for the minute to change, but it was such a better solution than constantly fighting that urge to glance over every 20 secs to see if I can stop yet. After the 1st set of jumps, I sat and figured I'd just break for a minute to start the next set of 4, but that was over in a heartbeat! I rushed to get into my next set, figuring I must've been very distracted my the mommy slurping up maple creemee excess from a toddlers cone (mmmm creemees!) and jumped my way through an almost perfect second set. The next experiment with breaking for only one minute confirmed that sneaking suspicion: time is a fickle beast. 4 minutes jumping can feel never-ending, but 1 minute sitting on the porch is over before you can even catch your breath. I decided to just break until I felt ready to go again between the 3rd & 4th set and learned that my preferred break time is a whopping 3 minutes long. Talk about inefficient!! Jumping for 4 & breaking for 3 -- no wonder work outs take forever! I'm gonna try to get better about breaking for only the allotted times from now on... I almost wish I was working out in the morning solely so that I could have more of an urge to get it all over with already -- when working out at night, the only thing before me is that measly egg white, apple & milk; a shower & the bed. One solution I've found is my Shakira Pandora station. Do what it takes, right?
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Day 49, Nathaly: Saturday musings
I know it's Ramiro's turn to offer some PCP wisdom nuggets, but I think having the newbies join the flock has made me want to share more. SO:
1. I really wanna indulge. In fact, I wanna over-indulge. A LOT. So much so, that every time I look up the calorie count for something I wanna snarf (as a snack or appetizer, mind you!!) I realize it's closer to the 1000-1500 range.. WOW -- scary, huh? So, i'm thinking I'm gonna have to put some work into this and home make the preferred item, but that means I'd have to eliminate both pizza and french fries from the running (i'm no good at making either of these.. Sad!). OK -- so, here's what i've been craving: something cheesey & gooey á la nachos or loaded fried potato skins or jalapeño poppers.
Eliminated from the running:
 |
| Chili's Loaded Nachos (w/ chicken, the 8-count version: 1050 cals) |
 |
| Outback Steakhouse Cheese Fries (amazingly, the nutritional menu counts one of these as 6 servings. Each serving 355 calories. I wonder if that's including dunking them in the ranch dressing? Probably not.. |
 |
| Domino's hot wings. 12 piece = 1200 cals. This time i'm sure it doesn't include the dipping sauce. |
 |
| Jalapeño poppers -- My usual allotment: 6. They come in at 150 EACH, so that add up to 900 calories!! |
UGH.
There were other things I wanted to say, but now I'm mad at myself because of my indulgence fantasies.. I"m gonna go remember how much I love maple yogurt.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Day 48, Nathaly: Slacking with the updates DOESN'T mean we're slacking!!
Hey all,
SOOOO sorry to be slackers this week. I actually have had several personal ah-HAH moments and I'm a loser for not sharing it with you all, but I wanna send a shout out to Kim, especially for reaching out to check in on us via email. (Funny to think we don't really use email in Team Mango -- when did we choose that name? lol -- given how much I rely on it for my day to day communication).
OK -- so how to sum up the last 5 days? There's been frustration and there's been moments of real, deeply-entrenched strength. I'll try to go day by day. The veggie post was done on Sunday night, so this is gonna be a long one. APOLOGIES FOLKS -- we both PROMISE to be better!
MONDAY
The new form of jumps has meant re-acceptance of my abilities with the rope (I took to it naturally from the beginning). I love love love getting thumbs up from cars driving by smiling at me jumping my little heart out in front of my house every morning. I think my fave moment so far though, as certainly been from a little girl who was obviously impressed by also really shy and still managed to give me a double thumbs-up. SO cute.
So, what had happened was that I was chugging along from Day 1 (50 jumps in a row) to somewhere around the end of month 1 (up to 200 in a row) and I realized that b/c it was so difficult to maintain, my breaks in btwn sets were going for too long (and therefore, I was taking too long getting jumps done). So I went back down to sets of 100, but when the 2-min sets started, I worried I would tank. Turns out that because I also re-committed to doing jumps in the morning (based on Patrick's email about how that's when they've got the greatest fat-burning effect), they've been totally manageable.
TUESDAY
Definitely fell off the bandwagon this evening. It was a SUPER long day starting with a morning 350 organizers mtg (I'm helping to plan a huge local day of action around climate solutions on 10/10/10 as part of the 350.org campaign's climate movement building -- if you've never heard of 350, def check it out and sign up!) and followed by a full day of work and then running up to campus for a grad school gathering and some work on my grad thesis and culminating with a two hours rehearsal with the Burlington Choral Society for our upcoming concert of the Duruflé Requeim and Britten Te Deum Festival. LONG LONG day. Anyways, I was perfectly PCP-compliant all day with the diet, but by the time I got home at 9:30pm, I just needed to sit (the wrong choice, I knew even as I made it..) We popped in our latest Dexter netflix arrival which was interrupted by a friend stopping by and before I knew it, it was 11pm. I was absolutely exhausted and knew that I was just not going to make it. Ramiro got a little pissed that night (as he had waited for me to do them with him, like I promised) but was a total champ and proceeded to do his workout even at that super late hour.
WEDNESDAY
I knew that Tuesday had been bad and made sure to get up early enough to do my jumps before work. I had my 2nd choir day of the week (I also sing with the choir at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Burlington), but I planned my day around it and did just fine. It helped to have gotten a really good night of sleep in, of course. Victory for the day: a guy stopped by the office with a tray of assorted Lake Champlain Chocolates. he offered each of us one and I grabbed my favorite flavor (dark chocolate mint) as i didn't wanna go into the i'm-on-a-diet spiel. I set it on my things and gave it to one of the interns the following morning without too much mental struggle (felt very much like bilbo baggins asking himself in the 1st LOTR why he shouldn't keep the ring, "it's such a little thing, what harm could it do?" lol. YAY NATHALY.
THURSDAY
A friend came in from California late Wednesday night and I was really worried about waking him up in the morning, so after getting ramiro his breakfast and a cup o' joe (those guys stayed up pretty late catching up and playing video games), I stayed in bed til 9am (NICE) and then took Tiggs out for a nice long walk and did my jumps outside. It was a slow morning and I realized that in order to get everything done (walk, jumps, shower, bfast) and feel comfortable getting to work without feeling rushed, I need a full two hours. DANG. I honestly can't imagine how you all who ALSO do the workout in the mornings handle it. More power to ya!
That evening we decided to call the day our "saturday" (the 7th day of our PCP week which would normally be only jumps) in order to enjoy some time with the folks from out of town and some other friends. The host made a spaghetti dinner and I had some salad and a bite of carby-loveliness and did a great job of resisting the homemade chocolate cake, but the red wine and Long Trail Ales had my mouth watering.. In a small dip in my rock solid sweets resistance record, as I was helping to clean up, I decided to let Tigger have a nibble at a spoonful of cake someone left on their plate and gave my finger a lick. WOW was that yummy. Made seeing that half-eaten tray soo much harder to resist. lol. And, knowing our indulgence was around the corner, gave my mind plenty of fodder for going back and forth with questions and such..
FRIDAY (today)
I've been exhausted lately. We were up late last night and ramiro got crazy allergies from the bunnies at our friends house, so we all slept in. A morning without the alarm makes for a very difficult time waging the hour, however, and I was in bed until 11:34am. Wow. So, I made Tito some coffee and took Tigger out and was only done with jumps at 12:35pm. Which meant breakfast and lunch kinda collided a bit. We went to a local Jewish diner to spend a last couple hours with our friend from out of town and had to be really creative to stay within PCP. To be honest, neither of us ate enough probably, but at least everything was within bounds, except for a couple bites I had of latke (fried potato pancakes) before giving it away. We went to the market to pick up more milk and eggs and when I got home, I did a little reading and felt that exhaustion coming in again DESPITE the frigging 10.5 hrs of sleep! I was also a little cold, so I used that as an excuse to curl up in bed ("I'm not napping -- really!") and proceeded to sleep the afternoon away, only to get woken up by a VERY exciting message from Ramiro -- our PCP indulgence is of 500-700 calories! WOOHOOOOOOOO I was so excited (and thankfully ready to be up again), I flung my arms all around the air and hit the hubster in the face. LOL. So, obviously, not a good day, but INDULGENCE, here we come!!
OK -- last two things, i've been saving to share:
1. At some point last weekend, I think (or maybe Tuesday.. possible why i was so wiped out that night), I made the mistake of skipping BOTH my breakfast carbs and lunch carbs. Never before would I have known how incredibly important they are to functionality. How do those atkins ppl function?!? I mean, honestly, I ended up having to add a slice of toast to my dinner meal that day.
2. How could it have taken this long to learn to do push-ups effectively?? I guess, my arms have been too high this whole time. It was only Wednesday of this week that I actually did push ups correctly and i've been feeling it ever since. I really hope my boobs don't shrink too much!!
OOH -- last thing, i promise (SORRY for the long post!!): YUMMERS BFAST SANDWICH IDEA: Smear half and avocado all over your breakfast bread carb portion and layer an egg onto THAT. LOVELY!!
OK -- DONE
SOOOO sorry to be slackers this week. I actually have had several personal ah-HAH moments and I'm a loser for not sharing it with you all, but I wanna send a shout out to Kim, especially for reaching out to check in on us via email. (Funny to think we don't really use email in Team Mango -- when did we choose that name? lol -- given how much I rely on it for my day to day communication).
OK -- so how to sum up the last 5 days? There's been frustration and there's been moments of real, deeply-entrenched strength. I'll try to go day by day. The veggie post was done on Sunday night, so this is gonna be a long one. APOLOGIES FOLKS -- we both PROMISE to be better!
MONDAY
The new form of jumps has meant re-acceptance of my abilities with the rope (I took to it naturally from the beginning). I love love love getting thumbs up from cars driving by smiling at me jumping my little heart out in front of my house every morning. I think my fave moment so far though, as certainly been from a little girl who was obviously impressed by also really shy and still managed to give me a double thumbs-up. SO cute.
So, what had happened was that I was chugging along from Day 1 (50 jumps in a row) to somewhere around the end of month 1 (up to 200 in a row) and I realized that b/c it was so difficult to maintain, my breaks in btwn sets were going for too long (and therefore, I was taking too long getting jumps done). So I went back down to sets of 100, but when the 2-min sets started, I worried I would tank. Turns out that because I also re-committed to doing jumps in the morning (based on Patrick's email about how that's when they've got the greatest fat-burning effect), they've been totally manageable.
TUESDAY
Definitely fell off the bandwagon this evening. It was a SUPER long day starting with a morning 350 organizers mtg (I'm helping to plan a huge local day of action around climate solutions on 10/10/10 as part of the 350.org campaign's climate movement building -- if you've never heard of 350, def check it out and sign up!) and followed by a full day of work and then running up to campus for a grad school gathering and some work on my grad thesis and culminating with a two hours rehearsal with the Burlington Choral Society for our upcoming concert of the Duruflé Requeim and Britten Te Deum Festival. LONG LONG day. Anyways, I was perfectly PCP-compliant all day with the diet, but by the time I got home at 9:30pm, I just needed to sit (the wrong choice, I knew even as I made it..) We popped in our latest Dexter netflix arrival which was interrupted by a friend stopping by and before I knew it, it was 11pm. I was absolutely exhausted and knew that I was just not going to make it. Ramiro got a little pissed that night (as he had waited for me to do them with him, like I promised) but was a total champ and proceeded to do his workout even at that super late hour.
WEDNESDAY
I knew that Tuesday had been bad and made sure to get up early enough to do my jumps before work. I had my 2nd choir day of the week (I also sing with the choir at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Burlington), but I planned my day around it and did just fine. It helped to have gotten a really good night of sleep in, of course. Victory for the day: a guy stopped by the office with a tray of assorted Lake Champlain Chocolates. he offered each of us one and I grabbed my favorite flavor (dark chocolate mint) as i didn't wanna go into the i'm-on-a-diet spiel. I set it on my things and gave it to one of the interns the following morning without too much mental struggle (felt very much like bilbo baggins asking himself in the 1st LOTR why he shouldn't keep the ring, "it's such a little thing, what harm could it do?" lol. YAY NATHALY.
THURSDAY
A friend came in from California late Wednesday night and I was really worried about waking him up in the morning, so after getting ramiro his breakfast and a cup o' joe (those guys stayed up pretty late catching up and playing video games), I stayed in bed til 9am (NICE) and then took Tiggs out for a nice long walk and did my jumps outside. It was a slow morning and I realized that in order to get everything done (walk, jumps, shower, bfast) and feel comfortable getting to work without feeling rushed, I need a full two hours. DANG. I honestly can't imagine how you all who ALSO do the workout in the mornings handle it. More power to ya!
That evening we decided to call the day our "saturday" (the 7th day of our PCP week which would normally be only jumps) in order to enjoy some time with the folks from out of town and some other friends. The host made a spaghetti dinner and I had some salad and a bite of carby-loveliness and did a great job of resisting the homemade chocolate cake, but the red wine and Long Trail Ales had my mouth watering.. In a small dip in my rock solid sweets resistance record, as I was helping to clean up, I decided to let Tigger have a nibble at a spoonful of cake someone left on their plate and gave my finger a lick. WOW was that yummy. Made seeing that half-eaten tray soo much harder to resist. lol. And, knowing our indulgence was around the corner, gave my mind plenty of fodder for going back and forth with questions and such..
FRIDAY (today)
I've been exhausted lately. We were up late last night and ramiro got crazy allergies from the bunnies at our friends house, so we all slept in. A morning without the alarm makes for a very difficult time waging the hour, however, and I was in bed until 11:34am. Wow. So, I made Tito some coffee and took Tigger out and was only done with jumps at 12:35pm. Which meant breakfast and lunch kinda collided a bit. We went to a local Jewish diner to spend a last couple hours with our friend from out of town and had to be really creative to stay within PCP. To be honest, neither of us ate enough probably, but at least everything was within bounds, except for a couple bites I had of latke (fried potato pancakes) before giving it away. We went to the market to pick up more milk and eggs and when I got home, I did a little reading and felt that exhaustion coming in again DESPITE the frigging 10.5 hrs of sleep! I was also a little cold, so I used that as an excuse to curl up in bed ("I'm not napping -- really!") and proceeded to sleep the afternoon away, only to get woken up by a VERY exciting message from Ramiro -- our PCP indulgence is of 500-700 calories! WOOHOOOOOOOO I was so excited (and thankfully ready to be up again), I flung my arms all around the air and hit the hubster in the face. LOL. So, obviously, not a good day, but INDULGENCE, here we come!!
OK -- last two things, i've been saving to share:
1. At some point last weekend, I think (or maybe Tuesday.. possible why i was so wiped out that night), I made the mistake of skipping BOTH my breakfast carbs and lunch carbs. Never before would I have known how incredibly important they are to functionality. How do those atkins ppl function?!? I mean, honestly, I ended up having to add a slice of toast to my dinner meal that day.
2. How could it have taken this long to learn to do push-ups effectively?? I guess, my arms have been too high this whole time. It was only Wednesday of this week that I actually did push ups correctly and i've been feeling it ever since. I really hope my boobs don't shrink too much!!
OOH -- last thing, i promise (SORRY for the long post!!): YUMMERS BFAST SANDWICH IDEA: Smear half and avocado all over your breakfast bread carb portion and layer an egg onto THAT. LOVELY!!
OK -- DONE
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Day 20, Nathaly: I feel like cheating
Hey all,
Ever since I got out of the routine by going home for the weekend, I've been fudging with the rules a bit. On top of that, it's only been three weeks and I've lost 5 lbs, so I figure -- at this rate, why even bother doing the harder exercises? I could get away with adding a sprinkle of salt on this, a little mayo here, a dab of butter there, right? Add to both of those thoughts the fact that I defend my thesis in 8 days and am very much anticipating the most stressful week of my life (thus far) and it all spells very alluring rationale for not following the diet and/or exercises to the T.
SO -- I'm reaching out to you all for some support. What I know I need for me to stay on track through the next (excruciating) week is some serious rationalization of why this is worth doing. Know thyself, right? I'm a thinker and I'm a worrier by nature. I'm also a giver & a nurturer so I don't really value taking care of myself as the reason for this 3-month experiment. To offer a bit of perspective on this last thought: Ramiro and I are nowhere near starting a family, but one of the main reasons I want to develop healthier habits is that I'd like to be ready for motherhood well before taking that step -- emotionally, physically, financially, socially. (looking nice in a bathing suit would be nice, too). Hence, the last couple years have been about finding a career path that really means something; paying off debt in an efficient way; adopting socially & environmentally responsible practices and learning to be happy with me. It's more about being the right person than about reaching my "peak".
This leads me to the next thought I've been struggling with. Thus far, this program is so über-scripted and Patrick-is-Guru (no offense, dude -- you're a cool guy, we chose this and you've got a great record of success) but I'm not sure I'm actually learning how to incorporate some of the important life lessons I'm seeking. One of my biggest problems before Day 1 was emotional eating & the weighing of foods has left emotional eating out of the question both b/c it's not allowed and b/c I haven't really been hungry with all this food. So, here's the problem: I don't feel like i'm actually listening to my body yet. I'm not eating when I'm hungry; I'm eating what and when Patrick says I should. So, I'm really hoping this will develop over the course of the next 80 days. Has that happened for others?
Next, this is not a life-long endeavor for me. I value the beauty of eating good foods too much to keep nuts & beans and chocolate & ice cream out of my life forever. What happens when Day 91 comes along and I start eating my beloved cheeses again? What happens when I finally choose to adopt vegetarianism? I plan to continuing doing the exercises forever more, but 80% of this program is diet, so.. is it worth being so hard on myself for three months if I know it's just going to end. In other words, why not fudge? Why not use this time to simply learn to go with less of ______?
Another thing that will make this week difficult is exactly the topic of Kim's last post: convenience. If I have to write for 10 hours straight, I can't stop to steam the veggies. And if I'm hating every minute of that writing, I most certainly do not want to hate my meal. So -- another rationale for cheating a bit.
Given how tough it's been to get back on track after going home for the weekend, I don't wanna have a lax week and then struggle to get back into the thick of things after my thesis defense on August 30th (send positive thoughts my way from 1-4pm that day, please!!).
OK -- it's a long post b/c it had to be. Thanks for reading and help me by sharing:
1. rationalizations I can adopt
2. easy, simple recipes that are actually enjoyable
3. ways you get yourself through the hard times
THANKS SO MUCH, PCPers!
Ever since I got out of the routine by going home for the weekend, I've been fudging with the rules a bit. On top of that, it's only been three weeks and I've lost 5 lbs, so I figure -- at this rate, why even bother doing the harder exercises? I could get away with adding a sprinkle of salt on this, a little mayo here, a dab of butter there, right? Add to both of those thoughts the fact that I defend my thesis in 8 days and am very much anticipating the most stressful week of my life (thus far) and it all spells very alluring rationale for not following the diet and/or exercises to the T.
SO -- I'm reaching out to you all for some support. What I know I need for me to stay on track through the next (excruciating) week is some serious rationalization of why this is worth doing. Know thyself, right? I'm a thinker and I'm a worrier by nature. I'm also a giver & a nurturer so I don't really value taking care of myself as the reason for this 3-month experiment. To offer a bit of perspective on this last thought: Ramiro and I are nowhere near starting a family, but one of the main reasons I want to develop healthier habits is that I'd like to be ready for motherhood well before taking that step -- emotionally, physically, financially, socially. (looking nice in a bathing suit would be nice, too). Hence, the last couple years have been about finding a career path that really means something; paying off debt in an efficient way; adopting socially & environmentally responsible practices and learning to be happy with me. It's more about being the right person than about reaching my "peak".
This leads me to the next thought I've been struggling with. Thus far, this program is so über-scripted and Patrick-is-Guru (no offense, dude -- you're a cool guy, we chose this and you've got a great record of success) but I'm not sure I'm actually learning how to incorporate some of the important life lessons I'm seeking. One of my biggest problems before Day 1 was emotional eating & the weighing of foods has left emotional eating out of the question both b/c it's not allowed and b/c I haven't really been hungry with all this food. So, here's the problem: I don't feel like i'm actually listening to my body yet. I'm not eating when I'm hungry; I'm eating what and when Patrick says I should. So, I'm really hoping this will develop over the course of the next 80 days. Has that happened for others?
Next, this is not a life-long endeavor for me. I value the beauty of eating good foods too much to keep nuts & beans and chocolate & ice cream out of my life forever. What happens when Day 91 comes along and I start eating my beloved cheeses again? What happens when I finally choose to adopt vegetarianism? I plan to continuing doing the exercises forever more, but 80% of this program is diet, so.. is it worth being so hard on myself for three months if I know it's just going to end. In other words, why not fudge? Why not use this time to simply learn to go with less of ______?
Another thing that will make this week difficult is exactly the topic of Kim's last post: convenience. If I have to write for 10 hours straight, I can't stop to steam the veggies. And if I'm hating every minute of that writing, I most certainly do not want to hate my meal. So -- another rationale for cheating a bit.
Given how tough it's been to get back on track after going home for the weekend, I don't wanna have a lax week and then struggle to get back into the thick of things after my thesis defense on August 30th (send positive thoughts my way from 1-4pm that day, please!!).
OK -- it's a long post b/c it had to be. Thanks for reading and help me by sharing:
1. rationalizations I can adopt
2. easy, simple recipes that are actually enjoyable
3. ways you get yourself through the hard times
THANKS SO MUCH, PCPers!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Day 15, Nathaly: Going home for the weekend
My sister's baby shower was this afternoon. Pretty much everything there was out of the question and I didn't have my trusty scale to bring me back to true PCP form. So, I struggled to both gauge the right amount of food (I pre-weighed meals using last week's gram allotments and there's been a slight shift) AND fight the temptation of everything before me at a typical family gathering. So, I've decided to let the pictures speak for themselves in the latter of these struggles. The following images are all foods I deprived myself of this weekend -- I'm pretty proud of myself for not giving into the simple excuse of "just one bite"!
WARNING: The following images may make you salivate for all the wrong things. Keep reading at your own risk.
So -- there you have it. Tomorrow, I have to contend with all the highway drive-thru's, also. I'll be driving up to VT alone and much more likely to stop for breaks meaning temptations at the store. (at least during the trip down, I rode with a couple ladies who could keep me entertained). In truth, it wasn't as terribly hard to just say no, but the only reason I could make it through was that I know this program isn't a forever diet. Maybe that's dangerous talk, but I can't bear the thought of never having a buttered slice of toast again. How I dread that dry toast.. haha.
I'm proud to have made it through these last couple days in one piece, considering all the sources of temptation. Ramiro's doing pretty well keeping things going up in VT, as well. I can't wait to get back home and away from all this deliciousness -- back to the beauty of garden sungolds (our favorite variety of cherry tomato) & the Wednesday veggie truck.
WARNING: The following images may make you salivate for all the wrong things. Keep reading at your own risk.
 |
| my sis grinning as she prepares plates of junk food at a park BBQ after my nephew's victorious little league game. Nothing like a hot dog & some soda on a hot august afternoon. |
 | |||
| mom's flan-cocho: half flan, half cake, drizzled in sugar-syrup. she made it for some friends that came over for dinner & games Saturday night. I've never had it before -- this was definitely the hardest to resist. |
 |
| pre-lunch snacks at my baby shower table. moving from the back forward, cheese & crackers & tuna dip; tortilla chips & salsa, potato chips & "health food" exotic vegetable Terra chips; leftovers from someone else's beef empanada (2nd hardest temptation of the weekend); and sprinkled all over the place are decorative "it's a girl!" Hershey's kisses (the bulk of my neice's un-supervised lunch) and soft dinner mints. |
 |
| a friend enjoying a lovely slice of red velvet cake. Classic soul food dessert from Harlem! One of my favorite desserts. oh man -- I even considered grabbing a piece to store in my freezer until October 31st.. lol. decided against it as I still have a 6-hr drive back to VT to overcome. |
 |
| My preggers sis showing off one of the prize baby bottles filled with sugary goodness. This one is full of gummy bears, one of my favorite stress-eating treats -- not too messy and not nearly as sweet as jelly bellys, satisfactorily chewy without the jaw ache, and can be stretched for fun (ideal for both it's distraction value and stress-relief properties). |
I'm proud to have made it through these last couple days in one piece, considering all the sources of temptation. Ramiro's doing pretty well keeping things going up in VT, as well. I can't wait to get back home and away from all this deliciousness -- back to the beauty of garden sungolds (our favorite variety of cherry tomato) & the Wednesday veggie truck.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)