Day 78, Nathaly: Indulgence 3, Free Clothes, Commitments

Hi folks,

More than Ramiro does, I really count on indulgences. So, before he read the email describing our 3rd and final indulgence, I knew it was coming and had decided I was gonna be the bigger person and declare that I didn't deserved it (given my recent slacking from the 350 Global Work Party stuff).  Surprisingly, Ramiro was also considering not taking an indulgence, that is until I read the email from Patrick and realized this was a full blowout meal and convinced him and myself against our prior thoughts.  So I figured -- fuck it!  Bring on the cheese & chocolate!! (which I've been missing big-time) and it didn't help that it was raining out, the fridge was empty of all protein sources and junk is never more than a phone call away soooo...

We ordered a pizza! There are no pictures of it b/c the snarfage was all-encompassing. I made the phone call around 8pm (after much debate weighing going to the store or ordering out while figuring out how to acquire a post-indulgence/PCP-compliant protein source for the following day's lunch) and we quickly noticed that the time of day would make working out after dinner ridiculous, so we got to banging out the workout only to be rudely interrupted by an early pizza delivery kid making it so that the pie sat there on the coffee table smelling of absolute deliciousness all through those fucking planks. URGH.

And here's the verdict:  honestly, not that great..  Certainly not amazing enough to be worth HALF of my daily caloric intake.  I mean, WTF?!  Don't get me wrong, it was lovely and made by a locally-owned company that uses VT flour to make organic whole wheat crust with yummy sauce and a good balance of toppings to cheese. Frankly, it was a pretty good pizza, but somehow.. it didn't do it for me.  It felt almost like an indulgence wasted because I had made it out to be so much more than it was. After the meal, I shared the thought with Ramiro and he thinks it's a matter of associating pizza with the greater satisfaction that comes with the pizza ordering phenomenon -- that quick burst of joy that comes from the ease of getting a warm, cheesy meal delivered right to your doorstep and then pushing the couches together for the ultimate in non-bedroom comfort and then cuddling up next to the hubster to watch a fun movie on the tube on a rainy weekend evening with little Tigger curled up at our feet. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

Dude, was he right!!  I was COUNTING on that pizza to be all those things for me when, in fact, all it is is..  well, only a pizza. lol  Hence, my issue with emotional eating and why Indulgence 3 was once again a lesson in my struggle to treat food like what it should be: nourishment!

OK -- that took a little longer to write than I was hoping, so on to item 2 of the title! Free clothes!! Here in crunchy/green VT there is a lovely thing called the Front Porch Forum -- it is truly made of awesome.  It's a free neighborhood-based daily email ranging from offers for canning jars to reports of missing pets and debates on downtown-sidewalk-sitting. Oops -- sidetracking again. Anyways there was a free clothes event called "Attire for Hire" (which I learned about on the Front Porch Forum) hosted by an organization whose mission it is to help people get ready for the professional world.  I scored a bunch of stuff! A couple pant suits, lots of button-down blouses & professional jackets, some skirts and even a leather jacket.  I mean seriously -- two boxes of clothes for FREE!!  OK -- i'm still reeling in joy, but that is also beside the point. lol.  Here's what I want to talk to y'all about: I've been having some issues with my current PCP status (á la recent posts by Kim).  I'm closer to where I want to be, but I'm still not really feeling great about my body image and the act of trying on a bunch of clothes in front of a mirror really brought that home for me. As it turns out, I'm only really a fan of the today-me that exists in the mirror for about a half-second at a time (while taking a top off over my head).  At that moment, when my arms are reaching up and stretching my tummy fat across a temporarily longer torso, I feel a little sexy.  So, here's the disappointing part: I started this program b/c I wanted to a) lose weight, b) deal with my stress eating (see above) and c) develop some life-long-fitness habits.  And yet, what keeps me going is the way I look in the mirror??  I mean, I'm really not a vain person, but how superficial is that?!

Which brings me to the commitments aspect of this post.  I decided yesterday that it would be a waste of my time and energy up to this point to NOT keep going with the program until I got to the point I want to be at.  And that point isn't some pie-in-the-sky super model ideal (my goal person is Ugly Betty, for heaven's sake!).  So then I stopped to think about what the ultimate me-look really is and realized that my actual goal person is me at 17, except with my current boob size & my adult woman fuller hips. And to take it a step further, it was me that summer in that two-piece halter top..  Wow -- do I sound sad to you? Cuz I'm depressing myself with my cliché-ness.

Anyways, there it is.  It's not a great reason to want to continue the PCP, but as long as it keeps me on this good thing, I'm going with it and will have to deal with the psychology of all this at some later time.  lol

Thanks again for listening!

heart hugs,

Nathaly

Day 51, Together: Indulgence!

So, I (Nathaly) had a little hiccup of frustration planning out her indulgence, but the final product came out just fine and was VERY enjoyable!  As you can see in Day 49's post, I had definitely been craving deep-fried cheesy goodness.  I got most of what i was looking for in the following:

Bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers! (50 cal each). 

• Cut jalapeño pepper in half, scoop out veins & seeds.  
• Fill with 1 tbsp of fat free cream cheese
• Wrap with 1/2 a strip of uncooked bacon.  
• Seal shut with a toothpick (I was out, so I ended up having poppers that popped open during cooking) 
• Broil on high for 10 minutes (turn once, halfway if your oven is like mine and likes to cook the back half of the tray more than the front). 
• Oh!  And be sure to lay the little suckers down on a small rack on TOP of the baking tray so the bacon drippings don't get all over the poppers -- that can be a little nasty! 
• I made 24 (to finish off the 12-pc package of bacon and not be tempted with it in my freezer) and invited some friends over. :)

I was VERY surprised they could be made for 50 cals each (45 actually), and chowed down on 5 which only added up to 250 calories -- UNDER HALF of my allotted indulgence!! :-D (talk about good times!). So I walked my butt over to the corner store and was gearing up to buy a bottle of Long Trail Blackberry Wheat (135 cals), when I realized the store was closed for the night!  UGH.  Saddened, but really not all that upset, I decided to pop another popper (at 300 cals now) and then sat at the couch wondering what more I could eat with minimal effort (I was feeling too lazy to walk to the market at 9pm on a Sunday).

I decided I'd be OK with enjoying a serving of Ramiro's indulgence treat (only after MUCH cajoling -- he didn't wanna share even though he knew he wasn't allowed to down it all, lol):

sickly deliciousness (300 cal per 1/2 cup).

Surprisingly, this STILL left me under the 700 cal maximum, so I think all in all it was a pretty good day!!  I was planning on meeting a friend at a bar yesterday so there was a small chance I would've ordered a Blackberry Wheat just cuz, but he rescheduled and anyways, that would've felt a little too far on the cheating side of the spectrum (to split up my indulgence over two days). YAY for keeping indulgences positive! :)

Lesson learned:  I need a full day to think through my "need" to eat cheese fries covered in bacon bits and slathered with ranch dressing.  In the end, I usually make the right choice, but since I like to be in control, the thought of those amazingly delicious (but honestly pretty horrible dishes) being "forbidden" can get the best of me.  A simple alternative to cut back calories is to make it yourself!! Yay for home cooking!
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I (Ramiro), decided to further experiment with my ice cream addiction.  For my first indulgence, I had 400 cals of my favorite Ben & Jerry's ice cream, Chocolate Fudge Brownie. I was surprised to find it bitter-tasting and overly chocolate-y.  For this indulgence, I tried my absolute top favorite, Vanilla Swiss Almond from Häagen-Dazs -- all 700 calories. It was much creamier than I remembered and almost too sugary. It wasn't bad at all, just incredibly intense, but I could've easily made do with half the portion I served myself (2.5 servings, according to the nutritional information). The result: a bad stomach ache and a slight headache.

Lesson learned: My ice cream addiction is subsiding.

Day 49, Nathaly: Saturday musings

 I know it's Ramiro's turn to offer some PCP wisdom nuggets, but I think having the newbies join the flock has made me want to share more.  SO:

1.  I really wanna indulge.  In fact, I wanna over-indulge. A LOT. So much so, that every time I look up the calorie count for something I wanna snarf (as a snack or appetizer, mind you!!) I realize it's closer to the 1000-1500 range.. WOW -- scary, huh?  So, i'm thinking I'm gonna have to put some work into this and home make the preferred item, but that means I'd have to eliminate both pizza and french fries from the running (i'm no good at making either of these.. Sad!).  OK -- so, here's what i've been craving:  something cheesey & gooey á la nachos or loaded fried potato skins or jalapeño poppers.

Eliminated from the running:

Chili's Loaded Nachos (w/ chicken, the 8-count version: 1050 cals)

Outback Steakhouse Cheese Fries (amazingly, the nutritional menu counts one of these as 6 servings.  Each serving 355 calories. I wonder if that's including dunking them in the ranch dressing? Probably not..

Domino's hot wings. 12 piece = 1200 cals.  This time i'm sure it doesn't include the dipping sauce.

Jalapeño poppers -- My usual allotment: 6.  They come in at 150 EACH, so that add up to 900 calories!!  

WTF, man?!  Here's what i'm realizing:  a) I can't BELIEVE I used to eat this stuff REGULARLY without hesitating. b) Why do I even WANT this?  I mean, I'm a HUGE fan of the Meatrix & Food, Inc. & other such eat meat sustainably (ie, conciously and seldomly) type initiatives -- I'm making MYSELF upset just knowing that I'm craving this sh*t. And last, but not least, c) what's up with my obsession with deep-friend, cheese covered goodness?!  UGH.  Now I feel like I've learned nothing on the PCP -- SO disappointed in myself right now.  However (!!), if I eat one of the above and get really sick -- wouldn't that be a good life lesson?  On the other hand (...), if I eat one of the above and DON'T get sick -- uh...  I don't wanna even think about the consequences..  3 months of really awesome healthy living completely lost, money down the drain, back to a terribly unhealthy body image and completely emo relationship to food.

UGH.

There were other things I wanted to say, but now I'm mad at myself because of my indulgence fantasies..  I"m gonna go remember how much I love maple yogurt.

Day 30, Nathaly: I PASSED MY DEFENSE!!

OK -- non-PCP topic today, but REALLY big news in my personal life:  I PASSED!!!!!

I had been super worried about this because I hadn't given my graduation studies committee much by way of progress reports.  Pretty much, every time I emailed them this summer, it was to ask to re-schedule my defense (literally 3 times..).

Anyways, not only did I give a really good presentation, I impressed them enough for one committee member to suggest strongly that I consider publishing my work!!  I mean, for realz?!  I was floored, I have been all day.  I allowed myself one non-PCP treat (a Mexican wedding cake cookie), and was again surprised by how un-fulfilling it was.  I mean, for someone who has always associated reward and celebration with food treats, this is HUGE (hmm..  maybe there are some PCP lessons to be learned from this blog post, afterall!).

Anyways, I've got until September 17th to institute their revisions (including some additional stakeholder analysis -- UGH) and then, i'm officially a MASTER.  Of what?, you may ask. Well..  that remains to be seen, I guess. lol  The degree will read Master of Science in Natural Resources (concentration in Ecological Planning). And, for the first time, I'm thinking I may just be able to live up to the title..

Now to try to have one last week of summer before starting an internship after Labor Day!
Lake Champlain:  here I come!

Tigger, too!

Day 26, Nathaly: Exercising after a small break..

hey folks,

Thesis writing has been a drag, but I haven't wandered too much off-course from the PCP. I skipped jumps on Monday and then was SO utterly exhausted from the workout (and i'm guessing the stress of sending off my project report that afternoon) that I knocked out hard that night.  The following day I didn't get as far as I wanted on finishing my literature review, so I decided to take the day off all exercises in a last-ditch attempt to finish the literature review before we took the day off for our anniversary.  I also didn't measure anything that day -- I just ate as was simplest, keeping to the rest of the diet rules.  I'm pretty sure I under-ate quite a bit Tuesday, but since then, I've gotten back on track.

Getting back on the workouts was tough.  Jumps yesterday were exhausting and then the new exercises certainly provided fodder for some serious self-reflection ("why am I doing this again?" "do i really care that much?" and other such musings..).  I think I was only able to make it through the planks b/c Ramiro was there urging me on.  I hated him and loved him for it, but with his advice, I made it to 23 seconds before collapsing on the 3rd set (don't worry about it -- I always made sure to put in the total of 30 per rep).

Anyways, the week is chugging along and the big day is getting closer.. I'm still struggling to get my literature review just right (stupid perfectionism) and diet food is tasting better.  So, I'm just gonna keep chugging along and taking it one day at a time.  It's day 26.  Kim, Stu -- can you believe it?

Oh! Quick Q:  is anyone else experiencing some join pains?  I was struggling with that through most of the workout today -- achy knees during the creeps, pain in the left elbow during the shoulder press and, weirdest of all, stiff fingers during the pull-ups..  What's up with that?  Maybe it's all the sitting in front of the computer. (Hence the lack of blog posts -- we'll get back on track!)

Cheers all!

Day 25, Ramiro: Success!!!

First and foremost, today is our three year wedding anniversary! I took a day off work, Naty took a day off her Master's project and we vegged. Usually we'd celebrate by going out and treating ourselves to a fancy dinner, but seeing as we can't eat most of the things out there we stayed in. We cooked up some pasta and steamed some mussels with garlic. It was really good. Naty and I have been concerned we'd stray from "the way" this week, but i'm happy to report we've made it through today unerringly. Of course, we did get to enjoy a couple treats..

Our indulgences experience was odd. I expected to be disappointed by my 400 calories of chocolate fudge brownie (my favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor). I still enjoyed it, but the taste was definitely different -- it was really really bitter, very strange. Naty had some triple creme brie and a bottle of Woodchuck hard cider. She experienced the same level of extra sensitive tasting and also thought it was odd. All and all it was a good day.

P.S. I'm back on track with the jumprope, I discovered that I needed to keep my A.D.D. mind on something else entirely so that I wouldn't "over think" my skipping. I now jumprope to the sound of the Rat Pack. Whatever works, right?

Ramiro