Hey all,
Ever since I got out of the routine by going home for the weekend, I've been fudging with the rules a bit. On top of that, it's only been three weeks and I've lost 5 lbs, so I figure -- at this rate, why even bother doing the harder exercises? I could get away with adding a sprinkle of salt on this, a little mayo here, a dab of butter there, right? Add to both of those thoughts the fact that I defend my thesis in 8 days and am very much anticipating the most stressful week of my life (thus far) and it all spells very alluring rationale for not following the diet and/or exercises to the T.
SO -- I'm reaching out to you all for some support. What I know I need for me to stay on track through the next (excruciating) week is some serious rationalization of why this is worth doing. Know thyself, right? I'm a thinker and I'm a worrier by nature. I'm also a giver & a nurturer so I don't really value taking care of myself as the reason for this 3-month experiment. To offer a bit of perspective on this last thought: Ramiro and I are nowhere near starting a family, but one of the main reasons I want to develop healthier habits is that I'd like to be ready for motherhood well before taking that step -- emotionally, physically, financially, socially. (looking nice in a bathing suit would be nice, too). Hence, the last couple years have been about finding a career path that really means something; paying off debt in an efficient way; adopting socially & environmentally responsible practices and learning to be happy with me. It's more about being the right person than about reaching my "peak".
This leads me to the next thought I've been struggling with. Thus far, this program is so über-scripted and Patrick-is-Guru (no offense, dude -- you're a cool guy, we chose this and you've got a great record of success) but I'm not sure I'm actually learning how to incorporate some of the important life lessons I'm seeking. One of my biggest problems before Day 1 was emotional eating & the weighing of foods has left emotional eating out of the question both b/c it's not allowed and b/c I haven't really been hungry with all this food. So, here's the problem: I don't feel like i'm actually listening to my body yet. I'm not eating when I'm hungry; I'm eating what and when Patrick says I should. So, I'm really hoping this will develop over the course of the next 80 days. Has that happened for others?
Next, this is not a life-long endeavor for me. I value the beauty of eating good foods too much to keep nuts & beans and chocolate & ice cream out of my life forever. What happens when Day 91 comes along and I start eating my beloved cheeses again? What happens when I finally choose to adopt vegetarianism? I plan to continuing doing the exercises forever more, but 80% of this program is diet, so.. is it worth being so hard on myself for three months if I know it's just going to end. In other words, why not fudge? Why not use this time to simply learn to go with less of ______?
Another thing that will make this week difficult is exactly the topic of Kim's last post: convenience. If I have to write for 10 hours straight, I can't stop to steam the veggies. And if I'm hating every minute of that writing, I most certainly do not want to hate my meal. So -- another rationale for cheating a bit.
Given how tough it's been to get back on track after going home for the weekend, I don't wanna have a lax week and then struggle to get back into the thick of things after my thesis defense on August 30th (send positive thoughts my way from 1-4pm that day, please!!).
OK -- it's a long post b/c it had to be. Thanks for reading and help me by sharing:
1. rationalizations I can adopt
2. easy, simple recipes that are actually enjoyable
3. ways you get yourself through the hard times
THANKS SO MUCH, PCPers!
My dream is for you to fire me on Day 90. "Thanks man, I've got it from here" kind of thing. All this weighing and stuff is a one-time reboot of your body's system and eating habits. Over the next 60 days you'll be learning in your bones what it means to really exercise and eat right. And you can't unlearn that. Even if you're not making the best choices during a busy week, you'll KNOW you're not making the best choices, which in and of itself is a victory.
ReplyDeleteYour asking the right questions!
As someone who LOVES, LOVES food (good stuff - chocolate, butter, cheese,etc- and processed - cookies, cheetoes), the pcp has taught me to also LOVE the way my body feels when I give it good stuff. Already, it tells me how much it enjoys less salt (hence less bloating) and natural sugars from fruit.
ReplyDeleteThe best rationale (for me) is that doing the full 90 days is like doing additional reps until it becomes reflex/innate. I know that even though I'm on day 52, i'm not there yet. My sports analogy would be that I don't have to think about how to serve a ball cause I've done it so many times. I KNOW i can put it into the court wherever I want. I'm hoping that's how things end up with the pcp. Don't fudge until you KNOW 100% that you've got this down. You wouldn't go defend your thesis without doing the prep right? Ramiro or your adviser is grilling you to make sure you've got it down? Think of the pcp in a similar way.
I also emotionally eat (see day 50 and the many other posts) but I'm working on getting that under control. Obviously, life happens too so don't be too hard on yourself in the next week especially with defending thesis looming. Good luck with that!
As far as tough times go, you gotta figure out what works best for you. (See my day 43 post) i know this is not helpful. :P The biggest thing for the dark days is really the support of our fellow pcpers. They really keep you pushin, grounded, sane, etc.
There's a really amazing concept in physics that basically states nothing in the universe is perfect. If it were perfect then everything would be static and lifeless. This is a thought I have "when things fall apart" or whatever. So if you do cheat I think the worst thing you can do is get down on yourself, because then negative thoughts start popping up.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure everyone is doing this for different reasons. Personally I'm doing it because next year is going to be crazy for me, and I wanted to get in "peak shape" so I could maintain a healthy lifestyle while the craziness comes. It sounds like your lives are already very busy. Stress is the leading cause of all sicknesses, so I would be careful if I were you. I can see what you're saying about Patrick, but I think he has to be like that or the project wouldn't work. Just remember he's not big brother and continue to do your best. And remember this is for you, not anyone else, so do your best and by the end you'll be proud of yourself no matter if you reached the peak or not.
I found this recipe online for a healthy chocolate desert:
http://www.amandaskrip.com/?cat=18
I haven't made it so I can't tell you if it's really good, but it's an idea. Yesterday I started looking for healthy cooking classes because I'm out of ideas for this stuff. The link above has a blog of healthy foods connected to it.
Props to you for doing this project with so much going on!
What everyone else said. I'm also doing this because I wanted to incorporate more vegetables into my life. They are time-consuming to buy and cook, so before this I usually ate them mostly in meals out, which was both unhealthy and not in accordance with my principles. Think about how much you've been enjoying your eggplant and Ramiro his broccoli, and sourcing your fish and veg locally. That's what you want to do as a basic habit, something you don't even think about, and 90 days of you-must-even-if-you're-writing will get you there.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I'm not sure if this week is as busy for Ramiro as you, but perhaps he can spend a couple hours steaming up a huge batch of veggies for reheating during the week and then you can return the favor after the thesis is defended?
As for learning about how to feed our bodies, I think that will come. I know our food amounts are going to get cut a little most weeks, so you'll start hearing more from your stomach and sense of well-being both before and after meals. One of my biggest problems is that I often know something intellectually, but that doesn't translate into practice. These 90 days will teach your body through brute repetition, like learning a musical instrument. If you strive for the best you can do, you'll make in-tune notes, irresistible rhythms. If you practice the bad habits along with the good, they will get encoded in how you'll act in the future. In other words, if you fudge a lot, your body won't learn and you'll be left at the end, having done some hard work and eaten some crappy meals but still knowing you should get regular exercise and eat more healthy foods, and still not doing it.
Hope some of that helps.
The food thing was hard for me, too. I've always just eaten what I want until I'm full. Fast food, cheese, ice cream, whatever. All of it. On most weekends, I could go through at least a 12 pack of beer. And, holy crap, I LOVE SALT!!! Lucky for me, I have a fast metabolism. It was especially easy for me to rationalize cheating, because hell, I'm a stick anyway. Who cares? But, what I've found is that abstaining from these rich foods that I love to eat and the alcohol that I LOVE to drink, make them a little more special. Like that blue cheese I had with my indulgence last weekend, BEST BLUE CHEESE EVAH!! Seriously, it was so fucking good. And, when I drank that one beer in Mexico after a stressful day, it was delicious. I don't know if that works for you, but I enjoy really savoring those rich foods now. And, really, like Grace said, my body feels so good and my skin is so clear and clean right now. That right there is enough positive reinforcement for me, but you have to be patient. It's not instantaneous. The great skin came around week 6ish after my last humongous zit.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the thesis, girl, I hear you. I defended my thesis back in 2005. It sucked. I did 3 weeks of written qualifications exams and 3 hours of oral exams in 2007. It sucked, it sucked ass. It was so stressed I had a tick in my eye for months prior and it went away the day I passed. If I had been as clear-minded then as I am now, I think that it would have helped tremendously, but you'll need to lean on your partner. My roommate at the time made sure I was fed and taken care of...I hope Ramiro can do that for you. This post reminds me that I wanted to dedicate a whole post to how unhealthy I think graduate school is for people (physically but especially emotionally).
Anyway, I don't know if any of that helped, but it's what I got. You're only 3 weeks in, give the program a chance to work. I really don't think the diet became second nature to me until 2 months in. Now, I almost don't even have to weigh food. I just know how much is enough.
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ReplyDeleteSo, my browser told me that my post was too big to process. I came back, not there, I rewrite and repost. Then, there's my original post with my rewritten post below it. Bloody hell! I swear, blogger is fucking with me and just laughing behind my back. Perhaps my efforts to support you will inspire you not to cheat? :)
ReplyDeleteahhh i think we all get those thoughts. honestly, first few weeks was the hardest for me.
ReplyDeletethings i have to constantly remind myself of:
1) it took me 29 years to get into bad habits. they will not disappear over night.
2) this is one 90 day "break" out of my life. in the overall grand scheme of life, its not a lot.
3) you only get one body
4) the world will not run out of ice cream
5) yeah i may end up diving head first into a human size chocolate cheesecake on day 91. but i might not, and it will be interesting to see what happens. i have to not think about day 91. just day xx, or whatever it is that i am on.
6) the world had better not run out of ice cream, or i will be asking for a full refund. :)
7) im a worrier/analyser too. sometimes i like to THINK UP extra things to worry about/mull over. i have found with PCP you sorta need to switch off some parts of the brain. did you ever have to wear school uniform? i did, and at the time i hated it, it felt really constrictive. then i started working in an office after uni, and i LONGED for a uniform. choosing an outfit in the morning took too much brain power. same with food....im enjoying being told what to do for now. (btw, this only kicked in around day 30 or say, i HATED being told what to do for the first month) i dont have to think about it. and after day 90, i can go back to choosing, hopefully with a better appreciation of what my body really needs.
8) re steaming, yeah i no likey. going for the raw options as much as i can. tomatoes, pepppers, cucumber, carrots, onion; whatever you can have raw, do it!
keep on trucking! good luck with the thesis. just get through the next week and you will be DONE.
Patrick -- thanks again for the nice g-chat the other day.
ReplyDeleteGrace -- i've been lucky enough to not have the emo eating experiences yet. i appreciate your honesty and support. (i'm trying to pick up volleybal, btw! fun fun!)
Stu -- very insightful comment on the universe. that definitely helps. As a recovering perfectionist and someone who's kind to others but super tough on myself, that is certainly very helpful.
Kim -- do you play an instrument? i'm a singer and the muscle-memory thing is definitely really helpful. hadn't thought of it.
Jenny -- thanks for trying so hard to post your words of encouragement -- it does help!
Louise -- good to know there are other over-thinkers out there. i'm not exactly hating the food allotments as i'm hating this transition and missing salt. i feel you that this is only 90 days (a long blink of an eye?) and it's an important jump-start, like Patrick says.
THANKS ALL!